Only So Much

"when you can't lean on anyone else
you learn the most about yourself."

it's ironic on how one spends their whole life trying to discover who they are but who ever says that that someone actually wants to? i sure don't want to know who i am, i'm already seeing peaks and points of that and i don't like it. of course, i'm too much of a wimp to take control and not continue to swerve off the sides of the road because my hands shake too much everytime i try to take the wheel. i'll admit it, i'm a music addict and i have no plans of cutting off cold turkey any time soon because i think that would create some sort of universal shutdown. but i'd like to ask why i believe those lyrics in love songs or become teary in romantic movies. oh okay, i'm a girl so that means i'm automatically going to be as emotional as the next woman who walks past me. not exactly that textbook. and no, we're not all created the same way because who ever believed that in the beginning? maybe i'm preaching to the wrong choir here but i'm really just doing this all for me. there's only so much that any one at all understands about each other whether they be young, old, boy, girl, whatever. but then again, there is only so much that each of those whatevers can know about themselves. and again, so much that we want to know. trust me, when you feel lonely, the last thing you want to do is get down and dirty with your own mind and delve into the depths of hell. i dont know about you but i dont have any intention of figuring out what i'm all about because at least i know that whatever is going in my imagination, is something that i don't particually want to open. so when you have no one to lean on, when you feel like giving up, and maybe i'll admit that i'm feeling pretty much like turning in the towel, do you really learn the most about yourself? or do you just look at your hands shaking and let go of the wheel?