emotion

it bothered me tonight when i tried to remember her voice, i couldn't.

the rich, airy, sweet words that never failed to bring a smile forth to even the most unhappiness, isn't echoing anymore.
its been almost three, maybe four, weeks and tears still spring from my eyes because i can't remember.

marci gorospe is someone who i promised myself that i could never and would never ever ever forget.

but now without her vibrant voice or her fresh smile, i feel emotions digging too deeply into me than i'm comfortable with.
i feel as though i should be constantly thinking of her, constantly doing things for her, in memory of her.
but i can't bring myself to visit the grave site, to place a flower upon a headstone for someone who deserves to still be alive.
that would be accepting that she won't be back, that my torment to myself isn't worth anything at all because she won't be back.
my petty arguments have an underlying motive from guilt,
my smiles are plastered to perfection in order to protect myself more than anyone else.
i know that as long as i try to bring it back into my mind, there isn't anything to bring that beauty back.

that's the scariest part of it all.