a toast

so i was checking my grades.
i'm not pleased that my spanish went to a B+ after all that.
but it's like a B+ .2 percent away from an A so yknow that's okay.
it's a new semester.
i'm ready to make some people proud.
including myself.
and fuck my dad right now about it.
i mean come on,
i'm not like my friends yknow
and i'm not like my brother either
but i have to be willing to stop saying that just because i'm not like them
doesn't mean that i can't get to be like them
and get the grades i know i can get
so let's just start over
because i'm glad with what i had
and i'm glad of what is coming ahead
and i'm toasting it off
with kool-aid. :]

i really enjoy

fortune cookies.
and i've dipped into some pretty sweet music lately.
-jamie cullum's pointless nostalgic (in particular: well you needn't)
-the hoodies (in particular: asleep in me)
-school boy humor (in particular: summer camp)
-jamestown story (in particular: goodbye i'm sorry)
-clap your hands say yeah (in particular: over and over again)
-joe hendrickson's standing in, blending out (in particular: love me the same)

-PENSIVE (in particular: red letter day)

-nikki goodrich (in particular: i'm gonna be your bride)
and i've got the general feel gooders with:
-citizen cope
-gavin degraw
-horrorpops
-the hush sound
-madison rose
-just off turner
-backseat goodbye
-my american heart
-pj harvey
-michael greenberg
-the spill canvas
-meg & dia
-jonathan clay
and of course my big if i met him i'd die mr john mayer
got my addiction too? share what you want. i love the linkage.
music is the cure. [haa, i crack myself up]
and much better than my chem final.
i'm taking that in 30 minutos. cheer me on?

inspiration

so the
weekend is almost over- we had our kallah.
it was pretty intense, we were always doing something for someone.
they gave us walkie talkies which was pretty cool.
i tried to fit in best i could but i liked having a little safety net to jump into
when i was too uncomfortable.
i cried a little in the bathroom on saturday night towards the end.
i reminded myself that it was only one weekend and all i had to do was have fun.
i danced the next dance but i took time to "hide out" like tali said.
i guess it insulted me
i mean i was trying.
and so i was just trying to fit in but i knew i didn't really.
someone asked me if i'd go to spring
i won't. i won't have a next to be in if i do.
i'm just more comfortable
on a smaller level.
i'll work on it.
maybe.
but-

"i think i've learned tonight how inspiration can run in circles .. and come back to hit you right when you need it."

so.
maybe it'll be okay if i let it hit me when i need it.
because right now,
i'd like to be hit
and hit hard.

the rain finally stopped

"I think it's stopped raining"
"Maybe it finally has"

i think it's going to be alright now.
i wasn't so sure there for awhile ..
but this will fix things up real nice.
i told my dad that i needed to escape,
that i needed this.
and i do. and i think when i walk in, i'll be alright.
i know that this will work.
i really do.

and yeahhhh ..
why's that? why has all the storm gone away?
because that's right.

i'm going to columbus tonight.
whatttt?
to see that boyy. ^
up there.
right there.

excited? much? [that's an understatement folk]
oh yess. i'm sososooooooooooooo so. so...... soso hyped.
i can't even describe what i'm feeling about going.
wait. what's that? happiness? pure? happiness?
i know things can't be bad forever.
i mean, they have to get better, right?
and so, why not let them get better tonight.
this is going to work - this is going. to. work.

and while i'm there,
getting my soul and heart
and mind and body re-energized,
...
you all should listen to his music.
because it's amazing.
beyond amazing. indescribably amazing.
really, it's amazing.