inspiration

so the
weekend is almost over- we had our kallah.
it was pretty intense, we were always doing something for someone.
they gave us walkie talkies which was pretty cool.
i tried to fit in best i could but i liked having a little safety net to jump into
when i was too uncomfortable.
i cried a little in the bathroom on saturday night towards the end.
i reminded myself that it was only one weekend and all i had to do was have fun.
i danced the next dance but i took time to "hide out" like tali said.
i guess it insulted me
i mean i was trying.
and so i was just trying to fit in but i knew i didn't really.
someone asked me if i'd go to spring
i won't. i won't have a next to be in if i do.
i'm just more comfortable
on a smaller level.
i'll work on it.
maybe.
but-

"i think i've learned tonight how inspiration can run in circles .. and come back to hit you right when you need it."

so.
maybe it'll be okay if i let it hit me when i need it.
because right now,
i'd like to be hit
and hit hard.