note to self: don't die

i told myself after one tree hill
"i'll go back to studying APUSH after i check my email [none] and my facebook [nothing]"
and then i thought "i'll open my itunes. and that'll determine my mood"
now, maybe if it had been something happy, i would have thrown it away. but since it wasn't- i took it. cheating? i think not. i'm not sad, i'm just lonely. i have expectations for some[one]things that could or couldn't work out. obviously. then the itunes went into regina spektor with the lyrics repeating "you're so god damn young" and that secondly got me to thinking..
i'll make a note to myself not to die. [thanks ryan adams]
and under that i'll remind myself that i'm just so god damn young [thanks regina spektor]
and the thing[s] that i'm counting on aren't that feasible right now.
i have to remind myself that I AM young and he's not. or he's not as young i should say. we're all just a bunch of kids when it gets down to the grit. watching one tree hill always does this too me. and when it gets late at night. and uh, in general? i need something drastic to happen to wake me up again because right now- i'm just kind of coasting along and that's not great. i was listening to 'first time' [thanks hawk nelson] while i was walking home and i was feeling a little shook up- a little like i could get it all done, i could study that damn APUSH, i could make him and i work, i could make me work. but it's just a song and songs end. this one ended after 2:37.

i need to start studying again.
btw elissa and i got the same grade on a chem test today as did molly. that made me happy. now it's not a great grade [and it sucks pretty much] but i guess i felt like i wasn't so far behind if they could do bad[ly] once in a while too. i dont know, i'm just looking for more than i can get i think. and i think maybe i'm looking too much into what i do have.

i need to start studying. screw the again. i need to start.
i need to make myself proud and not have to rely on my dad to make me feel good about myself because frankly, that's been kind of a let down. he's told me to learn in spite with dewitt, with other subjects too. but i don't think he knows that i've been trying to learn in spite of him.
so to wrap up, i'm making a note to myself not to die, i'm really so god damn young, i'm one step and two steps closer to feeling alive and for the last time i'm falling behind [thanks again hawk nelson]

so i need to start studying.

"your arms are the only ones that fit in mine

your heartbeat keeps mine on time."

I'm going back down to Columbus this Saturday. I am beyond excited. I think I'm going to get addicted to those drive[s]. I feel like this is going somewhere too; I made Joey some flyers and he liked them, I kicked ass at my guitar lesson, I didn't slip in my new shoes. This life thing is definitely going some place good. And I'm beginning to think it's him and his music. I've found something good and I can't wait to find more of it this weekend. I. Am. So. Happy.

Now press repeat.

and my

fingers itched to play again tonight.
i picked up and retuned my ole guitar
and then got the song stuck in my head for the rest of the night
ben would be proud, i tapped out the pattern
but kaprosy would be mad, i'm not using comma's correctly.
this weekend is about to be nuts again.
i get to see joey play again.
and i.
am.
really.
excited.
i really would have loved him coming to the party
but i understand.
kindofnotreallyijustwantedhimtocome.
but it's okay because of the video post
which uhm is the cutest thing ever
and he'll be surprised to see me
i'm bringing more art
and my valentine for him
and a translation of it haha.

and is there

way to search new blogs and NOT have them be in like japanese or french or something?
i tried sneaking in an exclamation point- guess the rule still stands.
have a great tuesday everyone. [which in parallelism is actually referring to just one]

ohthereisa

big storm going on outside[insert exclamation point]
so yesterday was the day of injury man.
i was stapling my homework sheets [which i got 100% on] and i jabbed myself with the staple and had to go get a bandage
and then i tripped on the chords for the lights in photo
and then i slammed my thumb in the door of my locker. so. haha. it was like 1..2..3..okay[insert exclamation point] i'm fine [insert exclamation point] (I guess those are illegal characters here?)
but then i hit my head on the freezer and stubbed my toe on the grocery cart.
i guess my number is 5 instead of 3.
and in five days...speaking of segways? like that?
i'mhavingmyparty. we're buying so much stuff.
i keep thinking that it's friday so far because i'm so excited.
joe said he was coming so that'sgreat. i had to try not to get my hopes up and i still have to remember to be like calmish about the whole process. i'm just so excitied.
i really wanted him to be there :]
i was talking to tali and we were like how would we introduce him? and then jesse fisher was like are you talking about facebook?[stupid exclamation point rule sucking my excitement out] and i wasn't sure if she was like interested or like taunting us?
so i was just like 'yeah.' and went back to selling bagels.
annie emailed me back last night and i got a nice boy honesty box 'quite possibly the coolest person i know' and of course the only thing about those is that i want to know who sent it haha.
it could have been jake, he was commenting on videos and writing on my wall-maybe he just added that to the package. but it's tougher because like you don't have to be 'friends'friends to write in it so it could have been anyone. but whoever, it was sweet. i was hoping it wasn't creepster and i'm glad that it wasn't. i made a new cover for my new journal last night- it's okay. i still love the other one more but i guess that this'll have to do until i can make it as huge as the other one. it's just kind of boring now is all but i guess so was the other one at the beginning.
i have to remember that we have portfolios due tomorrow for our ap entrance- i'm pretty sure if you sign up and you're like fine, they take you. scheduling classes this year was so stupid and it's going to be so messed up; i can only imagine. since it's storming bad again, we're going to shut down the computerss.