backseat goodbye aka the greatest band your ears can hear

i figured 'hey. i posted this everywhere else i could since i'm just that much in love with his world, i might as well post it here'
plus, it blows off some steam from issues that have just been making themselves priority whether its my saying they are priority or not.

..well we could take off each other's clothes
or be best friends in the middle of the road
or we could just talk shit about tomorrow and it how it never adds up
well we could touch lips for the hell of it
it's a nice day and we're just kids
there's nothing to do anyway in this town made for two
i don't know what you meant
but i know what you said
about the big nights
about the blue sky
and the indifferent way you talk about the past you like
maybe you should write a book about it
or a song that we'll all sing along to
with la da da i'm so damn glad you moved to the city
and that's too bad you lost what you loved
it's an ugly world but you can smile all you want
well here we are in the back of your car
our hands move to the beat of our hips
no one has to know the truth about this
we we're "just out for a walk and a kiss or two"
i'll tell you girl you do a number on me
with those eyes i swear you stole from the sky
all i need, is you tonight
i don't know what you meant
but i know what you said
about the big nights
about the blue sky
and the indifferent way you talk about the past you like
maybe you should write a book about it
or a song that we'll all sing along to
with la da da i'm so damn glad you moved to the city
and that's too bad you lost what you loved
it's an ugly world but you can smile all you want
won't you meet at the sidewalk if you want
i know you know the whole truth and nothing but the
someone said you were leaving town soon
well if so then i am too
yeah we're a mess but that's fine 'cause it's me and you
well we could climb trees and lay in their leaves
they won't mind as long as we ask nice
you won't mind as long as i ask nice
or so i'm told
well we could carve hearts out of falling stars
chase the wind down the winding streets
ride in cars for hours to nowhere
we're a mess, but that's fine, 'cause it's you and me
we're a mess, but that's fine
we don't need no time to keep up with the days
you keep telling your lies
i'll keep singing these shitty love songs..

ladies and gentlemen. i think since you now have the lyrics to sidewalk sing along, we should go outside to sing it along.

ha. no seriously, he makes me trust old friends again, make new ones, and let my head follow my heart's lead.

so i think you'll get a big smile out of going to his site(s) to
a) listen to all of his songs
b) buy all of his merchandise
c) feel like living life to the greatest fulfillment

http://www.purevolume.com/backseatgoodbye
http://www.myspace.com/backseatgoodbye

http://backseatgoodbye.bigcartel.com/
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=26643815

and go from there. you all can manage your little fingers to click on all the other sites of his.
but i think you should go to them all. i do.

lets let our dream come true again.
Shayna

ps. his newest album comes out on the last day of my spring break so I've decided to celebrate that by finally scooping up his CDs and stickers galore.

pps. i realized now with my NEW AND IMPROVED DAZZLING ACCOUNT, I CAN ADD BULLET NUMBERING.
watch out world- we're about to have a party with that one.

-_____________________________________________-

technology and me.

alright alright.
before i get into the blog that i was trying to simply paste from my other spots to this one,
i ran into a bitofconfusion.

like i said, i expected to just hop and skip around the 'new blogger' feature to where i felt comfortable with my old one.

no such luck this time.
after about 8 times of trying to log in anyways, i realized the computer no longer feels the need to succumb and break down because i rebelled.
so then i tried to make a new account.
which took long enough in itself.

and THEN when i had successfully gotten into the 'new blogger'
i was greeted with bells and whistles which, again, i didn't want.
anyways, i gave in and broke up so
here i am.
practically in one piece.
now should i see what kind of new post options my 'new blogger' account has come with?!?

one day.

okay.
one more day before spring break and i can't even describe how elaaaaaated i am.
seriously, seriously, stoked.

i'm done with doing homework and studying for 10 days with the exception of beck.
but he's always giving work. most of which i kick and scream though but really do enjoy doing.
i feel bad if i'm too hard on him recently because he's been having a tough time.

i realized the other day that i shouldn't really keep my feelings about people at bay.
i'm not talking about if i don't like a senior's pants that i'm about to go and SAY something since uhm, i would preeeeeeeeetty much get jumped right off.

but more like, if i like spending time with you, i'm saying so.
ireallyhavesomefantasticpeopleinmylife.
and it's about time i started saying that.
because i was thinking about marci and how much i would have liked to just give her more hugs and tell her how truly angelic i thought she was.
i guess i'm doing that by spending time with her girls but i really want to just get one more day back to tell her everything back the way it was JUST to say that i really love her.

i came to the conclusion that we're not getting those second chances or those 'one more day' days so i might as well take things by the balls and just suck up whether or not the reaction will be positive.

as my new expression of the minute.
i'm not 'figgin' letting my people get away.
i'm telling them <3

black.ink.guilt

this post won't be too long; my message is fairly straight forward and i really don't feel like giving you kids any analytical mysteries today.

i feel like i've been exposed and no,
i wasn't printed without clothes on some tabloid or caught dancing with the near to death mayor of a city too small to remember.
(celebrities, i would just like to add, are complete morons with all that fame ^^)

i've been meddling over with a lot of issues these past couple of weeks, months even and i am completely frustrated that i've come up with absolutely no conclusion of any of them. but as far as i'm concerned, my exposure came a little too dark for my liking and i feel like if you looked again, the photos of this story miiight come out better. writing seems to be my safe outlet to plug my emotions into. that is now shot to hell because i think too much and worry about who i've hurt and who is hurting and who will be hurt.

i don't actually try to start issues believe it or not and i get no pleasure out of being in the midst of them. really, it's not one of those things that i go off skipping into with a handful of daises.

i truly hate drama and though i know it comes with the package of being a girl and also of being in high school, i'd like to have an out of body experience and just observe what i'm doing with anyone in my life. i'm not going to start crying or start slitting my wrists anytime soon but i'm just not that happy with things. simple as that, i'm just not that happy. i find my nose turned up and my lip curled into a scowl more than i intend it to and i need something to escape to.

i'll find it, i know i will.
but i just feel as if i'm starting to lie to my diary and it's just getting good.

ps. major major kudos go out to Jimmy Robbins; Too Sorry For Apologies.

pps. or maybe its pss but which ever way, i may have overstuffed your brains with things to delve into in this post and i guess the intention of making it simple and non-analytical just made it that much more of a goal to confuse you all.

when did this all fall apart?

to actually explain all the confusion in my world right now would make you read for a year or more. so to simply put things, i'm pretty disappointed with life right now.
i don't know when things got so darn complicated because last time i checked
we all played nicely with each other on the playground
and now we're a bunch of bullies?
high school is brutal. and people are mean.
but i hope that changes soon. and that i change too.
because right now.
i'm pretty disappointed with life.

i'm sorry i let down my guard for you

"you win; i lose.










[it's all a big empty space]














and i don't need your sympathy because i'll always be fine."








[that needs to be filled without you by my side for me to survive]

happy..birthday to me (this is really..reallly..late..)

i didn't realize that this was in draft.
so enjoy my birthday blog..now that its practically a month later..:-/

eiik. today is my birthday.
and my email so kindly reminded me that yes. in fact ME was born today and to send her a card.
and that this event ladies and gentlemen..happens every year.


go figure.
15 years of getting that email and i still get a kick out of it.
go listen to some chad sugg, 100th or May, and john mayer just for me.
trust meeeee <333

-1000 degrees

okay. last time i checked, being a kid wasn't supposed to be this hard.
homework consumes me to a point where i'm not getting much (if any) sleep
and i dont feel like looking nice or acting pleasantly.

if it has to snow, why doesnt it snow us out of school?
if teachers feel like they have to "challenge us" why do we have to be "challenged" with overlapping projects and pointless projects?
if drama is part of a teenager's life, then why do so many of us want to kill each other because of it?
if boys are so much trouble, why do we keep falling for them?


if questions are asked
where are the answers?


i have hope and i may just be "hopelessly hopeful to be hopeful enough"
that maybe i'll become brave enough to blaze through the
heartache and the headaches for him
either that or i'll have to pick myself up each morning and place the big question mark into the invisible tears that i stream in the halls,
waiting for the day someone will figure it out and find it there
and then place me on their shoulders, carrying me along until
i'm strong enough to walk along side them.


for now, ill keep asking, and keep listening.
and know that this loveistheonlything making me smile for him
in case he'll notice
and in case i'll be watching with my head up and not hung.


ps. its like -1000 degrees outside and -1000000000 inside me.

the village sessions

alrighty now even though i think everyone should own everything that john mayer has ever done to the max, but owning The Village Sessions EP he produced after producing Continuum has got to be one of the greatest, most soothing and rewarding cds I think I will ever own;

so get out there kids.
and buy it with your pennies.
because its the greatest thing
that will ever happen to you.

finals.suck.

okay.
so.
finals.
are.
officially.
the sdkjwedklzolpq-est.
worthless.
piece.
of wasted.
papers.
i have.
ever.
had.
to.
take.


just to let you all know;
i could quite possibly be in mid-crisis at any point.
or in complete breakdown all the time.
yupp.

the holiday and its cheer

dkfjwkrisfikjdwlpz.

^^ that shows my frustration because i had a blog all written up and then tried to insert two links..and pretty much the whole thing got deleted. anyways, i'll continue on with my head in my hands as i was before..

i did not realize how tired i was.
and not because i've been basically running around with my head chopped off and my organs spilling out for the past five days but because i have lead myself up to this break without actually, ironically, taking a break. so i have made the executive decision that i will either be spending the last 13 days of my break with only myself, and not because i'm going to end up being an old lady living in a box, but because i never spend *any* time with just me, myself, and i. that or with the people that i really need to see more; as i come to think of it, i haven't seen my best friend in over four days nor talked to her. that calls for some drastic measures of time going to be better well spent.

and now, before i wish you all the most fantastic holidays (Christmas is onlyyyyy FIVE, count them: FIVE, days away..and Hanukkah is already completely wonderful), i must recommend everyone to mr. chad. sugg. whom is the official cheer for the new year along with a god to the music industry. treat yourselves to good hours with his music blasting. i guarantee that it will make you smile. trust me on that:

http://www.purevolume.com/backseatgoodbye
http://www.myspace.com/backseatgoodbye

cheers,
shayna.

11:42..

..it's elevenfortytwo.

something has compelled me to pour myself out again in a text box for all to judge at.
my english book sits unread in front of me

pages waiting to be discovered, plots waiting to be unfolded.
words ready to be comprehended, words set to be put to action.
discolored sheets giving clue to aged use, to secrets held and fantasies portrayed.

i wonder if i'll ever make it like that,
ever make a child giggle at rhyming sentences compounding into a silly story,
soothe a worried mother on how to connect with her slipping daughter,
create a relationship between the unbeliever and the imagination left so long in the dust,
tear a teenage apart in the harsh realities of a story that connects all too much with her heart,
allow youth to be let into a soul of a broken old man for the days he missed in the army.

i wonder if i can make that difference..

or i'll just work along the side of my own fiction

music

music seems to be my saving grace these days.
the rhythmic tune lures, the lyrics confess, the instruments promise.
is it a fault to be captivated? is it a fault to be saved? is it a fault to be freed?
and then as soon as it starts, as soon as my mind seems to relieve itself and ease the frustrations, a skip in the song will occur. and for that single moment, i switch back to reality and realize that everything is beginning to be lost. then, the music will blare again and i'll tumble into a false security that i can hold to my heart for two minutes and fifteen seconds, three minutes, four minutes and a half. however long the sounds touch my ears for, i'm gone.

my eyes close,
my body sways,
my soul is opened and skinned
to the bare nakedness
to which everyone should reach with something in their lives.

and i can't help but wonder.
if the place i have made for myself in this world is only safe for however long the song plays..why don't i just press repeat on my player, turn up the volume, and fly on through?

words swallowed.

charles bukowski once wrote that there will always be something to ruin our lives, it just depends on who or what finds us first.

last night time stopped for a moment when i had a misconception about words that someone said to me.
i overreacted, i jumped to conclusions, i made an unjust confrontation because i was scared of what those words meant to me, if they meant anything at all, if they meant everything. i thought for awhile that i was right, that she was wrong, and that eventually i would get my way. but after more pain was pitched to one another, i realized that my pride and i, myself and i, were going to have to suck it up and take it down the right way. so then i thought that since i did that, things weren't going to be so bad anymore. but that opened me to something more.

for as much as i had hoped i could blame what had happened, what had been happening, on something and someone innocent, i couldn't. it wasn't fair and it's still not.

i have apologizes to make, i have words to swallow and i have to realize that i've got to get things under control and i've got to myself down the right path.

otherwise; i'm not sure where or why or when or what is going to fly because right now, my wings are breaking.

moore road,

its ironic that a contest for expression and artistic independence is limited to a theme. that when creativity should be at a high, it's restricted because of the fear of what lies beneath a sentence of what "one's favorite place is"
on what happens if a favorite place isn't just a room where happiness is stored but an entire world of possibility? what happens when a favorite place includes more than the boundary of four walls but expands to an exceptional amount of what is beyond that. GUCI is that place for me. and it's not easy to say to someone who hasn't been there that this place, this home, is the *only place that makes me feel alive. i can walk these streets at home here, i can breath this air here, i can talk to the people here, but without my place for me, my place just for me, i wouldn't get up in the morning and i wouldn't take steps on the sidewalk. so when tears spring my eyes, when pain fills my heart, i know that i can look through the lens of my camera and see the magic there; frozen for a second in time on how happy i was, how happy we all were. the reason that i urn for something more is that i know that as soon as the car turns onto Moore Road, i leave who i've been and i become who i want to be. for more than half of the year, i try to fit back into myself but it seems that each time i get comfortable, pieces chip or break off. after awhile its exhausting to try to glue everything into one when i know that it won't perfectly feel right until i touch my fingers to the wooden door proclaiming hallelujah, my feet running along the greener grass. and all to soon, its gone. the grounds have muddied, the smiles have cracked, the reality takes over and wins. when i'm home, in my favorite place, i know that i can trust myself to just be without worrying about who i'm being, just act without worrying of how i'm acting, and just live for the sake of the goddamn sunshine that captivates every single memory and makes it beautiful for that much longer.

so if it seems like i'm moving but i'm still stuck, its because i can't keep going without knowing where i'll end up. if i'll end up. or if i'll give up.

and so take this breath with me, hold my hands tight and sing to me tonight.
make me believe and make me see that once my eyes are opened to my favorite place again, colors fly and dreams are born to this run down world that i keep locked away from my heart, for i fear with the utmost confidence that once i let in something more than the best, something more than what i've found, i'll forget and i'll walk on, without destination, without a turn onto Moore Rd. so just let me be with me tonight and find a light too bright , a fantasy too full, a heart all too ready.

emotion

it bothered me tonight when i tried to remember her voice, i couldn't.

the rich, airy, sweet words that never failed to bring a smile forth to even the most unhappiness, isn't echoing anymore.
its been almost three, maybe four, weeks and tears still spring from my eyes because i can't remember.

marci gorospe is someone who i promised myself that i could never and would never ever ever forget.

but now without her vibrant voice or her fresh smile, i feel emotions digging too deeply into me than i'm comfortable with.
i feel as though i should be constantly thinking of her, constantly doing things for her, in memory of her.
but i can't bring myself to visit the grave site, to place a flower upon a headstone for someone who deserves to still be alive.
that would be accepting that she won't be back, that my torment to myself isn't worth anything at all because she won't be back.
my petty arguments have an underlying motive from guilt,
my smiles are plastered to perfection in order to protect myself more than anyone else.
i know that as long as i try to bring it back into my mind, there isn't anything to bring that beauty back.

that's the scariest part of it all.

It's nice to know

"It's nice to know from time to time that you didn't just appear when you woke up this morning - and that for better and for worse, the way you are is the way you've always been."

john mayer is the one and only that can explain life and its most difficult questions with a half ass-tongue out of mouth grin


remember kids, go the full circle because sometimes when things are the shittiest, it takes a goofy laugh to clear up the clouds.

even if its for just a second

Destination

when i walk through the halls at school
i purposely put my feet to a destination
but my mind doesn't seem to focus upon one thought as i wander about
i see the corners hidden around the turns and paths
and wish that if only i could run to them

maybe someone would see me
and maybe someone would sit with me

but then, the bell rings
and i open my notebook, take out a pencil, and push out
any freedoms i held as i wandered.
for a straight fourty minutes my eyes dart back and forth
wondering if anyone else knows any of my secrets
and if anyone else knows any of my feelings
if anyone sees through my smile to the tears that
spring from my eyes after a day regretted and a day exhausted, over and done with
should i forgive those pushes? should i foget those disapproving glances?
or do i just imagine it all?
wishing that for once someone would be beside me
during this nightmare
to hold my hand and kiss my heart,
to hide in corners when i can't go on
and to not judge, to simply cry when tears fall
and to simply love me for i am imperfect and i am unsure and i am scared.

I wonder.

words unspoken may break something beautifully constructed
words screamed from the mountain tops may never change the answer
words may bring forth confusion,
conflict,
and inconsistency


words may kill the strongest, words may birth the weakest.
but wherever, whatever, and whomever
spoken at, spoken from, or spoken to
words are simply words
until placed conveniently with an over looked emotion
unfelt and unspoken for almost unbearably too long.

and yet, when confronted with these words
that should provide confidence, closure, and comfort,
simply fall apart into their own separate letters
refusing to piece into one
to allow one's mind to begun eased, one's heart to be consoled,
one is be one without any other and only that own one.

Autum

i was walking home yesterday after school and i got to thinking:
when did it turn into fall?
i mean, the last time i checked, it was something like 90 degrees and we were all wearing shorts. but when i looked up from my staring at my shoes as they automatically walked the path home, i realized that a new season was upon us. then i saw the hundreds of leaves on the sidewalk, lacing the street, falling from the trees carelessly. so, why hadn't i ever taken the time to watch the things around me before? it wasn't as if i had some immediate conflict between me and the world so why hadn't i simply let my mind wander, my feet carry me down the road, and relax? why wasn't i able to take an easy, slow pace home, and not let the drama of the day overcome me and overwhelm me? i threw my hands up in the air, put my CD player back into my book bag and forced myself to look at the leaves. directly in front of me, i noticed a small, perfectly structured one falling rhythmically to the wind. i patiently waited the second more until it had barely touched the ground when i menacingly lifted my left foot and dramatically crushed the poor thing. the next leaf that fell, i did the same action. for the rest of my walk, i hopped along, stomping the leaves under my feet. i didn't feel any better when i unlocked my front door but i did feel somewhat at an ease. being able to just accept, move on and go forth, isn't something i do very often. but i suppose that all it took was a little stomp.