i really don't

is that i don't really feel like i fit in all of a sudden.
i really can't figure out why, now, i feel like i don't have anyone.
i really can't figure it out.
i was totally in control just a little while ago.
this is so completely frustrating.
i just don't
fit.
and i am well aware that that sounds over dramatic
and mostly untrue
because, i mean, i get by.
but that's just the thing.
i'm just getting by.
i'm not really fitting in anywhere.
i'm just there.
and i think
that tonight when i was doing the usual of what i usually do
i thought to myself
'i'm really, really, tired'
but yknow that tired you get after you do something really great?
or have a really great conversation?
or just have a really great day?
that wasn't the kind of tired i have right now
nor has it been that kind of tired i've felt for the past i'm not sure how long.
i think i stay up because i'm waiting for something to happen.
i'm waiting for someone to come get me.
and help me fit.
because right now,
i just feel really alone.
i keep imagining what my life will be like in a few weeks,
in a few months,
in a few years.
and i just can't seem to get a handle on fitting.
i've got plans
and i do things
and i'm out
and i'm in
and i'm quite aware of what's going on around me.
only i just feel really, really, really
left out.























and i feel like i just really, really
don't fit.