it isn't fair

i just wanted to tell you that i'm upset.
and that i'm not doing too well.
and that you brought up a lot of bad memories.
and that giving you that journal was my fault.
and that i need an outlet and you made it sound
like my outlet wasn't acceptable.
and i know it's not.
but i need you here still.
and i need you not to be upset with me.
because things are hard enough these days that i can't lose you.
i have to have you be with me still.
it isn't fair.