i hate giving into weaknesses.
i guess all that nothing
turned into my needle
last night.
fuck.
i was doing well, too.
but as soon as i came back into town,
everyone jumped down my throat
with expectations
and i missed that ledge a few times.
so i tried a few other vices, first.
just so you know, it wasn't my first try.
but my drawer just looked so inviting
with my head banging from all the pressure.
and i wanted to quiet it down,
so i slipped up.
i didn't like it.
but i did it.
the problem was, it felt good
after a minute.
the problem was, i forgot
that i do like it.
fuck.
i hate that drawer.
i just couldn't put it down -
dammit! i was doing so well, too.
fuck that.
i tried.
damn. fuck.
i hate this.
i thought i had a grip.
ahhh