i forgot

i had so much fun last night -
i forgot how fun it is just to be with your friends
and just hang out.
ever since the two of them told me to start doing things, start going out and being with people,
i almost feel like i'm throwing this in their faces.
like, look! hah! i'm having fun.
and by the way, last night, i think it's the first time in a really, REALLY long time
that i didn't want to call you. or that i needed you.
i woke up this morning
with a completely stuffed nose and a cough
and i thought of you.
but last night, i didn't.
i was talking about a different boy
and during that time, i honestly didn't think
"i have to call him" or "i wonder what HE's doing with HIS girlfriend"

so i think that that's good.
i'm not saying that i DON'T need you .. espec. since i woke up this morning and thought of you
but it's giving me a nice little reminder that maybe in fact .. i can be, i can do, i can have
without you all the time.
and that's good - i need to remind myself that i'm fun and i'm great.
and that people want to spend time with me.
and that not everything is so serious.

and i just sneezed six times in a row.
make that seven.
if this is a way to physically show me how much fun i can have
and what consequences follow,
so be it.
i'm smiling with a sneeze.

and make that eight. damn.