college

i don't know what got me thinking about this last night.
but i don't know what to do about college[s]
i feel like i don't want to go -
i've had this image in my head of a big empty apartment with a big window by the bed and
me looking down onto the busy street at everything and just writing my days away.
but no one is ever with me in that dream.
everyone has someone these days and i think for awhile now i've just told myself
that'll be my life.
so right now - and i have so much time left -
i don't want to go to college.
i know realistically it's not smart not to go,
you can't really do anything without a degree
and i'd regret it, i know.
but i think right now all i have is school
and i just want a change -
i want to be on my own
and i want to grow up.
i want my life to start -
i feel like right now i'm just kind of putting the pieces together
but i haven't stepped far enough back
to see what i'm making.