long distance

i don't know about this -
i really just really want to run away ..
last night was good, those nights with you are good.
but the problem is is that i have to hang up eventually
and then you go on with whatever you're doing
and i have to do my own thing.
i'm strong? only when you tell me that, though.
when i called on tuesday - i was weak.
i couldn't even get that word out.
and i feel like now, it's good, but it's so hard to keep it good.
i just want to be down there.
and i want to have a change of pace.
that's why i'm toying with the idea of no school?
for right now at least
i don't have to tell anyone that i'm scared
because i have two years to get over that.
but when i was younger, i would have these stories i would make up
and i would just live inside these bubbles
and not face the world
but the thing is, the world wasn't so hard then.
now it's like the world is trying to kick me down
and then kick me again when i'm down.
talking to you helps - i know that you
and i talked that one time
and you said it wasn't you that was helping me
but i don't believe that - it is you whether you want it to be or not.
so for right now, let me hold onto the idea that i don't have to go to college
and instead i can run away.
i was daydreaming yesterday in class
and i got this really warm feeling inside my heart
and i tried for a really long time to try and figure out where that was coming from
and i figured it out -
it was from last summer when i was getting off from the flight from california to chicago
the sun was so bright that day - pouring through the windows like nobody's business
and talking those steps down the big walkway was so satisfying.
why, i have no idea..
but i do know that i want that feeling back.
i haven't thought about that plane guy for awhile.
i think the combination of sleeping like that, heads on each other's,
with the fact that i was free, on vacation, and that i wasn't HERE,
all added up to make that feeling
that security, safety, satisfaction.
so i want that feeling back.
i think i can get it too -
i just have to go.
go away for awhile.
and see what happens.
that's why i want to be on my own so badly.
you said last night you didn't mind being alone
being alone with your music.
but don't you see? your music isn't just a couple of chords on a guitar anymore
it's filled with dreams and possibilities and unhappiness and lies and old girlfriends and new crushes and friends and memories.
that's the thing.
your music has all those memories every time you play them.
so you don't just have your music
your living with yourself and all your memories.
and i do want the best for you, obviously.
but for now you do have those to keep you warm at night.
i've got that feeling of running away keeping me warm.