ouch

before this, i don't think i've ever felt my heart hurt.
i've felt it skip a few beats, get tired and drained, and speed up really fast.
but i've never actually felt my heart. hurt. before.
i saw that
and it was like my whole left side of my body went numb.
this is such a weird feeling -
it's like i saw that
and it's like someone has taken their fist and is just punching my heart over and over again.
and then it's like they took it.
and now all this air and gunk is getting this empty hole.
ouch.
i've never felt that before.
but i now i know what people know when they say their hearts hurt.
or at least, i know what i can say now when i say my heart hurts.
i've never felt that before but
somehow i'm thinking it's not something i'm going to want to feel again.
my mind is racing - maybe its not real, maybe it wont last.
but something tells me
that this rough time i'm having
just got a whole hell of a lot rougher knowing that.
fuck.
ouch.