i'm not letting anyone do anything for me - which is exactly why i'm still cutting and why i'm still in pain. because it's that simple - i think i'm letting people in and i think that i'm letting people do things for me but i'm not. i'm letting myself think that i am. i'm not telling anyone anything, really. i act as if anything anyone does to me that bothers me is their fault - that they should call more or they should ask more or they should hug more. bullshit! i'm not letting anyone do anything and i just pretend that i am. i pretend so i can cut, i pretend so that when they cast their eyes everywhere else or they don't look at all or
when they don't ask at all,
that i'm not doing anything wrong - that i'm just simply continuing because no one is checking.