10/25/08

"I'm bleeding where I bled
I'm hiding where I hid
I'm entertained in sicker things"

Sunday is going to be hard. The cemetery? That's going to be tough.
It's like these past couple of days - I don't want to sleep.
I'm scared of my thoughts.
I'm scared of my nightmares.
I'm scared. I'm sad. And I AM tired. I just don't want to sleep - I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I'll wake up and everything will be gone. I don't know what I want to do.
I want to run around and just collect everything and put it all in a suitcase.
And run away with it. Run away from this place and these thoughts.
Because I can't sleep, I don't want to. I'm scared. I'm scared to cry and I'm scared of my nightmares. Those are so new I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with them .. I'm exhausted but I can't sleep - I'm afraid. I'm just really, really, really. Scared.