my dream

i feel like everything is slowly slipping out my control.
it's not that everything is gone, it's that everything is going.
i don't want to hang out with anyone. i don't want to do my school work.
i had a dream last night that i was at a wedding in a coffee shop.
and then afterwards, i walked out of the door and i went to the library.
and then i went to MY apartment in what i'm assuming had to be chicago
because northwestern was across the street from it.
it was the same apartment that i've been dreaming of for years -
big, empty [until the "bedroom"], white walls, big bed, one huge window.
and mine. and i always dream waking up with someone next to me and letting
them hold me in their arms as the sun wakes up.
this morning, i woke up in my crowded, little, cluttered room.
alone. my iPod headphones were the only things keeping me company.
i just can't wait to get out of here - out of this schedule.
out of being stressed out 24/7. out of ignoring what i want and letting people have what they want instead. out of trying to pretend that i'm happy.
and actually getting away. and getting happy.
i said i was going week by week -
this week is tough. so was last week.
i know i can get through it -
i just thought i'd get through it with a little more air left in my lungs and a little more hop in my step.
but that's me dreaming again.