the moment.

tonight, someone told me that you don't have to believe
because it's right or because it's what you've been taught to do,
but to believe in the moments.
in the great moments or in the bad -
but to just be in the moment and whatever belief followers that moment,
so be it.

i've been angry for a really, really long time.
and i'm not done being angry and i don't think that i'm close.
because i'm really hurt and i'm upset and i'm confused.
but that same someone said anger was alright, that it was fine to be angry.
and everyone has just been telling me that i'll be alright, that things will work out.
but no one told me it was alright to be angry.
and in a way, i feel better knowing that i can be angry and that that's alright.
that's the alright part of this whole mess.
i don't know what i need;
i don't know if it's going to be you, or someone else, or no one.
but what i do know is that right now, it's not working.
and right now i need to be angry.
and i think that it's okay to be happy at the same time.
to laugh during the day the same days that i cry.
i don't know if that's supposed to happen -
but it just is happening that way. that's the moment i'm believing in right now ..
that i'm angry with you, with a lot of people
and that i have a lot of things i need to say
but also that there's a lot of things i shouldn't say
and there's a lot that i just won't.
because it'll hurt too much.
and i don't want to give someone else my pain -
i've been going through enough to know that the last thing someone wants
is someone else's pain.
so until you offer to take me off my feet and put me on your shoulders
and just carry me for awhile; me and all of my weight and all of my pain
and until i accept to be lifted, to be freed, to be with you; that someone who wants to do that for me,
i'm in the moment.
and if i'm crying, or cutting, or cheering.
then at least i'm here.
and at least i'm doing something
to try and work this out.
so for now, for tonight -
that's the moment.
that's what i believe.