her

"there's something about marci gorospe that only a few in this world have. she was a beautiful, young, intelligent, caring and patient woman who deserved none of this pain. for the months that we knew her, mrs. gorospe would smile as if she were on top of the world even though she couldn't have been any lower down. no one told her directly how much we loved her and now we can't which shows you that we must live in the moment, and truly thank those who make our lives worth living. she obviously had no choice to live the life her husband forced upon her for she was too sweet and loving of a person to try and escape the disgusting hold he had on her. there are no words on how much marci made us love coming to school to simply see her eccentrically optimistic attitude, setting everyone before her needs. there may have been signs, there may not have been. but all we know is that now one of god's angels is murdered for the satisfaction of the sickest monster on this earth. rest in peace mrs. gorospe for you will be missed, loved, and remembered eternally."

that was two years ago.

and then there was the comment that was left on this post two years ago-

Anonymous said... she is one of the few reasons to live life [left at 2:25 PM]

i look at the posts before, just days before this happened.
i had no idea. i wrote a poem:
As the sharp point penetrates the skin
Warm blood rushes from the wound
Like Pandora's box
Evil runs a trail along side innocence
Cleanliness merges with filth
There's no explanation for the scar
That will soon form from the weakness
Constant reminder
Of pain and suffering
Re-surfacing when irritated and
Disturbed
Never will it be covered
Or cleaned
For as the sharp point penetrates skin
Warm blood will rush from
The wound
[to be continued]
at that point, no actual cutting had occurred. but that shows i guess how early on my mind it was. that was the first of October that year.

then on the 15th, i wrote:
"when you can't lean on anyone else
you learn the most about yourself."
it's ironic on how one spends their whole life trying to discover who they are but who ever says that that someone actually wants to? i sure don't want to know who i am, i'm already seeing peaks and points of that and i don't like it. of course, i'm too much of a wimp to take control and not continue to swerve off the sides of the road because my hands shake too much everytime i try to take the wheel. i'll admit it, i'm a music addict and i have no plans of cutting off cold turkey any time soon because i think that would create some sort of universal shutdown. but i'd like to ask why i believe those lyrics in love songs or become teary in romantic movies. oh okay, i'm a girl so that means i'm automatically going to be as emotional as the next woman who walks past me. not exactly that textbook. and no, we're not all created the same way because who ever believed that in the beginning? maybe i'm preaching to the wrong choir here but i'm really just doing this all for me. there's only so much that any one at all understands about each other whether they be young, old, boy, girl, whatever. but then again, there is only so much that each of those whatevers can know about themselves. and again, so much that we want to know. trust me, when you feel lonely, the last thing you want to do is get down and dirty with your own mind and delve into the depths of hell. i dont know about you but i dont have any intention of figuring out what i'm all about because at least i know that whatever is going in my imagination, is something that i don't particually want to open. so when you have no one to lean on, when you feel like giving up, and maybe i'll admit that i'm feeling pretty much like turning in the towel, do you really learn the most about yourself? or do you just look at your hands shaking and let go of the wheel?
and then on the 28th, obviously the post. i didn't write again until November eighth and i wrote about masked silence where i struggled again about who i was supposed to be and how i was struggling with isolation and separation.
all those issues are still here, it's two years later, and today. i'm visiting her.