loneliness

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically…to those who hardly think about us in return."
TH White

"When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."
Tennessee Williams

i'm going to sleep,
but i'm not tired.
i've got a lot on my mind.
really, it's only one thought.
with millions of tiny little thought-lettes.
branching off in a hundred different directions.
i just feel really small tonight.
and i'd like someone to make me feel like i'm their whole world -
that way, i'd be big. and i'd be protected.
and i'd be cared for
and hugged
and kissed
and just loved.
i think my need for affection is just going to continue to grow
until i can find some sort of outlet, some sort of plug to put it all into.
my heart wants what my head knows it can't have
and there's this barrier that's preventing me from being who i really want to be
and being where i really want to be.
i can't fall asleep - i wish someone would come to my bedroom window
and make me promises that i'm theirs. that i'm their world and they'll put me on top of it for the rest of our days together.
i know i'm young, i know that i've got plenty of time and that when it'll happen, it'll happen.
but it'd be better if it were tonight. i've wished for it many other times before.
how about working with me? getting it to come true? i'd like that.
you know i'd appreciate it if you'd come.
i just want to feel big again.
like someone needs me.
like someone wants me.
like someone likes me.
how about it? do we have a deal?