there's no point

in running if you don't run with me.

tonight was hard; which stunk because today was a pretty promising day.
i mean, to be fair, you did ask.
i just wasn't truthful.
i thought it might work if i told you and i told myself that i was treating things more positively.
but i think that i talked myself into something i didn't realize i'd actually have to DO to have it work. don't get me wrong, i didn't think that things would be easy but i thought they'd be easier if i were in that frame of mind. i'm just kind of going in circles and my approach is just to say that everything is alright. for your sake, for their sake, for my sake? tonight was hard.
and i'm sorry that i'm angry - it's not your fault. but you're confusing me. and i'm hurting still.
and tonight was just plain hard. i should go to bed; being sick takes a physical toll and it's starting to get into my head .. the whole sick mentality is messing with me making me think it's okay to be sluggish and not study, etc. but that's not right
- i'm not dying or anything, i have a cough.
so, tonight. hard. tomorrow. better?
ps. this week is so damn busy. i have a full week of school and "must attend" club meetings after school each day and then a busy friday night .. that is not going to help. see? that sick mentality.
i'm feeling bad for myself because i don't think anyone will feel bad for me. that's why i'm angry.
i didn't make myself feel better first and i should have because you asked and i didn't tell you what was really going on - that's not fair to anyone. tonight was just hard.