the rock

so i didn't cry as much as i thought
but in turn, it hurt more than i thought.
more of an uncomfortable discontent.
it's strange - i thought i'd be broken
but i'm just .. sad. and tired.
sad and tired.
and by the way, completely unmotivated
to do anything involving school work.
but i don't want to call until i do more work.
but i need you - you said to call if i needed you.
so i'll call. and i've been battling with what to say.
probably that i need you and i need a beautiful story.
i certainly don't have one.
i'm anticipating a funk.
but a different kind of funk than before -
the funk before was .. strange, cold, numb.
now it's hurt. a strange hurt; a new kind of hurt.
i have a rock in my right pocket from the turned dirt a few rows over
to put down for when i go back
i couldn't let it go, i had to keep it.
i made a deal though. i told her that i'd come back and that i'd put it down then.
i talked to her for awhile and i let her listen to some music.
told her i needed to say goodbye and i was sorry if i was disappointing her.
and then i started to hurt. there's just a little hole that got poked through my heart
and it's just opening up further and deeper .. that's a new hurt.
so i'll call you because i need you. i'm going to ask for a beautiful story to help fill this void.
we'll see what we can come up with ..