if i told you

everything that's going on,
would it scare you away?
because i keep playing
how the conversation would go
in my head over and over
and i'm thinking that i should (?)
tell you what's up.
but i really don't know.
if i told you -
but i think the bigger issue
is that that you might be scared
to talk about things again
but that we have to talk about this
and that it's happening again.
the other thing is that
that i would actually have to get in touch with you.
and i don't know if you'd actually want to hear that.
i think i'll have to play it by ear
if i think you'd actually be listening.
because i think that i need to tell someone.
but i don't know what i want their answer to be.
because i don't know what question i'll be asking.