plans

"Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. Big plans. To find your perfect match. The one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered."

but that's just the thing. i can't figure out how
to make it all matter. i know that i'm not insignificant.
but i feel that way.
and angry.
and sad.
and lost.
i just want to throw all my plans that i've made to the wind
and watch them fly away
with my dreams.
because right now, i feel like i'm not the best person i can be.
rather, i know i'm not the best person i can be right now.
but the problem is is that i don't care.
i want. to matter.
to something.
to someone.
so i guess what i do now
is pretend that i'm invincible
and try to take on the world.