misjudged

the weather isn't supposed to be getting warmer.
i want the kind of days where you don't do anything but stay in bed all day.
and i know that doesn't relate directly to the weather but i feel like that's a winter thing.

i've been going through kind of an up and down about everything lately.
i wish i could say i was really trying to make everything better.
but i'm too tired for that - when things want to get better, they can come find me.
we just got off of a long weekend and it definitely had some highlights.
but now i feel like the school week is going to be even tougher than usual.
and on top of that feeling, my nose is stuffed this morning.

i have to go to the therapist's today. which, i just realized, is a ridiculous sentence to write - it just looks silly. but either way, i don't want to go. last time things didn't go over so well. i think it's because i'm stubborn. and i thought things would either be horrible or be fantastic. and it's kind of middle of the road. i think part of my problem is i'm desperately in need of someone to talk to about all of this and i know i'm supposed to tell her but i can't. it was hard enough to tell her the first time and now it's worse. and that feeling of disappointment i was talking about before - i feel like i would disappoint her. and i really don't want another person disappointed. plus i don't know if i could put into words how i felt. or how i'm feeling, rather. i know vaguely that the cut is because i want that pain inside to be on the outside. but there's more there. there's got to be - otherwise, i'd be able to stop. and i was fine for awhile too. and then it just got out of control. and now the weather is getting warmer which i wasn't expecting